Chapter Three
Wives
Girlfriends
Family
SUPPER TIME
There is no doubt that riggers in general like to go have a few beers with the boys after a hard day's work. There is also no doubt that their wives and girlfriends do not like this sort of activity, especially if supper is on the table and getting cold.
This one particular day the crew and I decided to go down to the bar and have a couple of brewskis. Pretty soon I was enjoying myself immensely, arguing with the roughnecks and spouting knowledge like it was free.
The table suddenly got very quiet and the eyeballs around me got quite large. I turned around to see my wife holding a plate of dinner. She slammed it in front of me and said, "Here's your dinner, asshole," then, to my shock and surprise, she sat down, grabbed my beer, stared at me, then slowly smiled!
I wanted to crawl under the table - everybody in the bar seemed to be looking at me and smiling. An obliging roughneck ate my supper and I got stuck with the tab. But all in all a fine night was had by all.
IN SHIT
I was in the bar the other night when I got a call on my cell phone from my wife. I told her I would be home in 15 minutes. Three hours later she phoned me again. The first thing she asked me was if I was in the hospital. "No," I replied. Then she asked if I was in Jail? "No," I replied. She then said, "You know what you're in then?"
"Yes," I said.
SALUTE
I would like to salute the wives and girlfriends of the men in the patch. I think the incidents of divorce are high because of the long hours and being away from home a lot. The women who stay with their men are a special breed and should be commended for putting up with us.
Getting up at 4:30 a.m. and coming home well after dark day after day can be hard on relationships. My wife told me that when my daughter was two years old she would point to any guy with a mustache and baseball cap and say "Daddy?" It broke my heart.
More than once my wife has chided me because I was too tired to wash my face before I went to bed. In the morning my pillow would have the perfect imprint of my profile drawn with pipe dope and dirt.
Another tough thing - when I have been out of town for weeks eating in restaurants and getting lunch at the 7-11, the second thing my wife wants to do when I come home is go out to a restaurant - argh! I think you know what the first thing was.
OIL WIVES
I heard that the Oil Wives Club put on a drive to get blood for the blood bank. They did very well, which is not surprising since an oil wife is used to blood sucking. Just kidding girls.
I think the oil wives club is a great organization that does many charitable and commendable activities. Many of the oilmen think that the women just sit around at meetings and complain about their husbands or compare stories about the terrible things that their spouses have done to them.
An oil wife once told me that her husband came home from the bar at 1 a.m. quite drunk. He came in the house and took off his shoes and coat. She asked him quite indignantly that if he knew what time it was. At that point he got on his shoes and coat and was walking out the door when she asked; "Where in the heck do you think you're going?" He replied that there was a clock at the bar and he would call her and let her know what time it was.
A JOKE
A roughneck walked into a bar. He exclaims, "I'm here looking for a wife!” Pauses and then says “Anybody's wife, it doesn't matter."
LAZY WIFE
An oilman comes home after a hard day’s work tripping pipe. He is surprised to find his two kids outside in their pajamas playing in the mud. He goes in the house and finds dirty dishes all over, the dog's food dish is empty and there is garbage scattered everywhere. There are dirty clothes and toys all over the house. The oilman is very annoyed and goes up the stairs where he finds his wife in bed reading a book. "What the heck is going on here?" the oilman asks.
His wife answers, "You know how every day when you come home from the lease and ask me what I did all day? Well, today I didn't do it."
SMART WIFE
A few years back a certain rigger went AWOL in Lethbridge. The rig had been back in the yard for four days and the derrickhand still couldn't be found. I am sure he was just a victim of circumstances but his wife and toolpush were a bit worried. His wife was a pretty sharp lady and what she did was withdraw all the money in the bank except for bus fare from Lethbridge to home. Sure enough, the rigger was home the next day.
SOUL MATES
By Vern Likness
I've known her some ump-teen years her moods of good and bad.
Her little schemes of awkwardness can sometimes show up sad.
A stalwart type of person as strong as any being.
But underneath a loving soul of which you've never seen.
We've worked and played together, through years of rich reward.
Sometimes feuding zealously but never very bored.
People think that when we spat, we really should take care.
But if you knew the law of love it's actually quite fair.
Enough about a life of love where the wife is on a throne.
Just ask her about the many times, when she was left alone.
It seems as if the world goes by, a chart on married life.
But not a clue on what should be, the very perfect wife.
Now I'll never start the thought of pesky civil rights.
Because you know it will end up as snappy little bites.
So patience here is virtue, a word so seldom used.
But in union of the souls it should not be abused.
Now all this might sound testy and a notion of respect.
When you and mate are all alone take a minute to reflect.
When God united man and wife, the opposites are there.
To make two people happy, in life that they will share.
Dans Doghouse 3
